Utah family honors son who died by suicide with Valentine's tradition (2024)

SALT LAKE CITY — Wednesday was a big day for the Obray family. They delivered roses to multiple high schools on Valentine's Day, in honor of their son who died. The family from Monroe, Sevier County, lost their son, Dexton, who died by suicide when he was only 14.

The family, including his mom, Britney, and his dad, Karl, honors him on Feb. 14 by delivering flowers, the way he once did.

"One year he said, 'Mom, Dad, like, I don't want any girls to not have a valentine,' and he wanted to give something to them,' Karl Obray said. "So we said, 'How about flowers?' So we got him flowers and he just beamed and was so proud and he handed those flowers out."

Dexton's parents said that act of kindness came full circle the Valentine's Day after Dexton died.

"Right after we lost Dexton, all the girls from his class came to our house on Valentine's Day and they all gave us roses and said some sort of thing that Dexton did for them," Karl Obray said. "And it just touched us and from that point, that's when we decided that we were going to do flowers every year for all the girls in his school."

The tradition began and the family created a GoFundMe* and a Facebook for their cause. This year, the Obrays raised enough money to get roses for the girls at six high schools.

"We were able to get donations, and it helped us reach 2,000 girls and that totaled to be six schools. It was all kind of central and southern Utah," Britney Obray said. "We went to Kanab (High School), my family was able to help us down there .... and then we did Beaver (High School), Richfield High School, South Sevier High School, South Sevier Middle School, and then North Sevier High School."

The Obrays spent all morning delivering the roses to different schools.

"All day today, we've been getting messages about how it's just touched their daughter and just made their day and I can see Dexter's smile just beaming, knowing that his legacy's continuing, and we just felt him with us all day," Britney Obray said.

Utah family honors son who died by suicide with Valentine's tradition (1)

They're hoping to spread what they call Dexton's light. The Obrays said Dexton was a big kid with a big heart. They had no idea some of the inner struggles he was facing. Since his death, the Obray family learned that Dexton suffered largely due to the effects of negative social media.

"We didn't know Dexton was struggling with depression because they use Snapchat and it deletes the conversations. When we did a phone check, we didn't know. You know, we looked at his texts, they didn't say anything," Karl Obray said.

It wasn't until later they found things he'd viewed or saved on different social media platforms like YouTube and TikTok.

"Dexton was looking up depressing things like he was addicted almost to that," Karl Obray said. "Social media knew that addicted him and that was what he wanted and they fed him more and more and more."

That's why after all of the flower deliveries, the Obrays went to the Utah Capitol to speak to legislators about SB194, a bill that regulates social media use for minors.

'Our youth are addicted': Legislature advances pair of social media regulations

Legislative committees on Wednesday approved a pair of bills to revamp Utah's social media regulations following emotional testimony from those who say they've been harmed by online platforms.

"Without social media, we are 100% sure that Dexton would still be here," Britney Obray said. "There was no other reason for him to take his life, other than what he was being fed on social media."

"He was loved, he was never bullied, he was the most popular kid in the school almost, he had the life. He got everything he wanted, and social media robbed it from him," Karl Obray said.

The bill focuses on multiple areas of privacy and supervision for teens. It requires default privacy settings for minors, age verification for minors, it prevents social media companies from using their data and allows a supervisor account for minors that can oversee everything.

The Obrays said they may have been able to intervene for their son if the information had gotten to them.

Utah family honors son who died by suicide with Valentine's tradition (3)

"But it never got to an adult. It never got where it needed to go. And so the regulations is a big one, just parents being able to log in, control what they see," Karl Obray said.

While they did their best to monitor his phone and set boundaries for social media use, they wish they had known more.

"I used to go down to Verizon stores and we had set regulations for Dexton so that he only had an hour a day of social media. You can do all those things," Karl Obray said. "You can lock it down so you can't get on the internet and all that. But these social media apps, there's a one-size-fits-all. It's an adult account and that's it. The things that TikTok was feeding Dexton was pure poison, and we'll talk about that at the legislation today. It was pure poison, and it was basically telling him to take his life."

The Obrays were grateful for the "step forward" legislators were taking to hold social media companies accountable.

"I know that they are trying to make a difference and they are thinking about our youth where social media is not," Britney Obray said.

They are working to start a foundation in honor of Dexton that provides a place for youth to spend their time "being kids" instead of on social media.

"So these social media giants, they know what they're doing to our kids," Britney Obray said. "They're addicting them. They're grooming them, whatever you want to say. Kids are just not allowed to be kids anymore, and that's where a lot of the mental health issues are coming in. It's just the pressures of what everyone's looking like on social media, what your life should look like."

The other part of that foundation would be for adults, providing them support and education on the difficult things kids are facing specifically with social media and mental health.

"We just feel like if we can help support them and let them know that, you know, stories like ours shouldn't happen and hopefully we can save a couple lives and inform parents so that they know what to look for," she said.

Unfortunately, we weren't educated on all this until we lost Dexton.

–Karl Obray

"Unfortunately, we weren't educated on all this until we lost Dexton," Karl Obray said. "We had to learn it the hard way. We just don't want other people to have their parents to feel the pain that we feel every day. And that's what we're doing. We're just trying to spread a story and try to bring that attention so another parent's not shocked in the morning when they wake up."

The Obray family is sharing their story in hopes of helping other families prevent similar tragedies. They want to spread "Dexton's light" and encourage others to do the same. Their efforts are shared on a Facebook page called Dexton's Story.

If you want to donate, the link to the fundraiser – which is a GoFundMe*, is linked here. They said any donations will be used for next year's flower fund, they're hoping to make it their biggest year yet.

*KSL.com does not assure that the money deposited to the account will be applied for the benefit of the persons named as beneficiaries. If you are considering a deposit to the account, you should consult your own advisers and otherwise proceed at your own risk.

Suicide prevention resources

If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call 988 to connect with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Crisis hotlines

  • Huntsman Mental Health Institute Crisis Line: 801-587-3000
  • SafeUT Crisis Line: 833-372-3388
  • 988 Suicide and Crisis LifeLine at 988
  • Trevor Project Hotline for LGBTQ teens: 1-866-488-7386

Online resources

Warning signs of suicide

  • Talking about wanting to die
  • Looking for a way to kill oneself
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose
  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
  • Talking about being a burden to others
  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs
  • Acting anxious, agitated or recklessly
  • Sleeping too little or too much
  • Withdrawing or feeling isolated
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
  • Displaying extreme mood swings

The more of these signs a person shows, the greater the risk. Warning signs are associated with suicide but may not be what causes a suicide.

Information from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

What to do if you see warning signs of suicide

  • Do not leave the person alone
  • Remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt
  • Call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255)
  • Take the person to an emergency room or seek help from a medical or mental health professional

Information from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

Utah family honors son who died by suicide with Valentine's tradition (2024)
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